I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
