you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
