I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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