i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
