But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I want her autograph on my taint
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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