I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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