They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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