i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
