I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
