I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
