I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
