just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
