I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
being pregnant is like rehab
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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