Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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