think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
