Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize