Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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