we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
