i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
