Swine flu. Run for my life!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
