dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
