Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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