Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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