porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
