I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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