Your dad touched me again.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
