my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
