I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
