ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
