First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
