ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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