I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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