I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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