i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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