operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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