At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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