Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
this boner is exhausting
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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