Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
