I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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