I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
