shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
