so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
