I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize