mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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