Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
