Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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