I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
