I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
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Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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