we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
