He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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