Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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