I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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