I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
