Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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