census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
