Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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