a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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