Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Pooping to opera.
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