...so i touched it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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