we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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