____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We left the knife in your bed.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
