Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
