i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
