a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
