Hey man sorry I got all grabby
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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