i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
