Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
